Glee One Shots English Version
by FicTranslator
Summary: This is not a translation. Chapter 1: Of Love and Regrets. One shot with Quinn thinking about Beth.


A/N: This is not a translation. It's not the first fic I write, but it is the first I publish (both in English and in Spanish). I guess my user name is no longer going to make any sense after this.

It's a one shot in which Quinn thinks over the whole Beth issue. There's no actual story, it follows more or less what's in the serie.

For anyone who's planning to leave a review, please be kind with the fic, but have no mercy if you find grammatical/spelling/whatever mistake. I really mean it :D

By the way, I should really work on a proper title. Any suggestions?

* * *

My baby girl went away. I let her go.

I never wanted her. She was an accident. I was Puck's fault. And mine too. But not hers.

I never knew what I was going to do with her. The agreement with Mr. Shue's crazy wife never totally convinced me. But, what more could I possibly do? She was a grown up woman, with a house and a regular income. And she had Mr. Shue. He would've been a good father.

Puck has a talent with children. He proved it when we babysit Mr. Shue's nephews, and he proved it again when we took care of her at Shelby's house. He's loving, caring and makes them laugh. We could've done it. Eventually, we would've got a job, we would've get money out of nowhere, we would've set up somewhere to live and we would've kept her. But we didn't.

Shelby took her away.

Shelby's giving her a life better than that we could have given her. She's going to be happy. She's such a beloved child; not only her adoptive mother loves her, but also does Puck (in fact, he adores her), all the New Directions (who gave me their support until the end) – even I love her.

I never loved her while she was inside me. She was a heavy load. She made feel sick in the mornings and in any other moment when I thought what was going on with my body. She was the reason I was kicked out of the Cheerios. She was the reason my parents rejected me. She was the reason why I did so many stupid things, both before and after giving birth.

But, right in the moment I first had her in my arms, I adored her. I don't think I am able to explain it with words; it's something you have to feel to understand it. Watching her reddened little face I saw the most perfect thing I had ever done and the most perfect thing I will probably do. After having a rest and having her cleaned, I went to visit her to the nursery. She was so calm. She looked up at me with her big dark eyes. I had a revelation. It was probably the sanest and most lucid moment I have ever had.

She didn't deserve the life I could offer. I was just a teen with no home, no job, no studies, no money, no backup of any sort. My mother had come back to my life, but I would never trust her again. I could not give her anything.

But Shelby could give her everything. A roof to protect her little blonde head, hot food to fill her little tummy, a happy childhood, and later, a good education. And love.

I couldn't give her love. Babies need love and I couldn't give it to her. After all, my life could be summarized in cheerleading routines, distant parents, bullying to the school losers, dating the jocks and popularity. There was no love in my life. You cannot give something you don't have. And she needed it.

Shelby took her away, and that was the best decision I've ever made in my entire life. Now I know she's fine, and that's what's letting me sleep in peace at night.

And all this leaves me just with regrets.

I regret deceiving Finn from the very beginning. It was always Puck. Puck was the first one I crushed on, the first one to kiss me, the first one to touch me and the one who got me pregnant. But Finn never knew all this. For some reason, besides doing all this to him, I charged him with the responsibility of a baby who was not his. He didn't deserve all I did to him. I'm sorry, Finn.

I regret deceiving Puck, too. He was there for me during the whole pregnancy, he did everything possible to make me love him and want him as her father. But in the end, the decision of letting her go was entirely mine. I'm sorry, Puck.

I regret having gone nuts on my senior year. I mean it. Let's say my postpartum depression took place a year after the actual labor, when I realised my high school student life was about to end, and I didn't know what would come next. I panicked. And the only thing that could be sure in my life was her. She was the same as when she was born, and she would continue being it for ever. My perfect little thing. I loved her. I wanted her. I needed her so badly I went nuts. I was the manipulative person I once was again, and with my actions I hurt Shelby, I hurt Puck and I hurt myself. None of them deserved having such a bad time. Probably, I did deserve it. I'm sorry, Shelby. I'm sorry, Puck. Screw you, Quinn.

But most of all, I'm so sorry for her. It was not her fault Puck and I were so irresponsible. It was not her fault my parents couldn't accept it. It was not her fault I didn't love her. It was not her fault not being born in a family that did deserve her.

I guess the main advantage of having Puck and I as biological parents is that, when she's a bit older, she could watch us and learn how she should _not_ behave. Though she will always have someone to lean on when she's a teen and has arguments with her mom.

Puck named her. Beth. Just as the Kiss' song, that one Puck sang to me in the choir room. Who would have guessed a Kiss song could be so sweet. Probably it was the biggest display of affection she received before being born. I hope the love Puck put into that song had a positive influence. I was not that kind of mother who rubs her belly, watches what she eats and plays Mozart so their kids are born smart.

So, definitely, I'm sorry Beth. I will always love you.


End file.
